In which I tell y’all about my decision to return to The Apostle’s Sister, after originally planning to stay away from it for months.
This isn’t gonna be an especially long post, but there’s something on my heart that I’ve got to share with you. I couldn’t keep it to myself any longer. 😉
The big news is that I’m returning to The Apostle’s Sister and am permanently setting aside the other novel I was working on.
I’m honestly feeling so many different emotions over this. Surprisingly, it was a very emotional decision.
I believe my strongest emotion now is joy! This is the story I’m truly passionate about, and although working on it is so difficult, it brings me so much joy. It brings me joy to write Temira’s voice and watch her come alive on the page and see how her journey grows and changes as the story progresses. It brings me joy to get to know St. Paul as a real person, get closer to his heart and in turn to the heart of the God he followed, to see him struggle with his past and persevere and mentor the other characters. Everything about this story brings me joy!
But there are also many emotions that are tough to maneuver. The main one is fear. I’m gonna be very raw here and admit that I feel petrified each time I think of getting back to writing TAS. I feel so afraid because this is such a sacred and beautiful topic I’m writing about, and the last thing I want is to screw it up. I can’t believe God entrusted me with it, and I don’t want to wreck it. I face fear each time I think about this story.
So why am I returning to TAS?
During the many weeks I’ve spent away from TAS, I’ve tried to get ideas for other novels. I really wanted to work on something else – or so I thought. But I couldn’t get any story ideas. The ones I got didn’t last beyond twenty or even ten pages. As I told you guys, I was working on another novel. I was so excited. I was crafting an intricate outline and even writing the first chapter. I was filling out character profiles. I thought this novel was The Novel, if ya know what I mean.
But it wasn’t, and I realized about two weeks in. Very discouraged, I stopped working on that novel and jumped back on the train ride of the Story Idea Quest. I couldn’t come up with any ideas.
I thought it was just writer’s block.
But just today as I rested on the Sabbath, I had time. Lots of time just to think and reflect. In the quiet, God spoke to me. (Which is one of the reasons I am so grateful for Saturday being the Sabbath, as it provides a day right at the end of the week for me to reflect with the Lord.) He revealed to me the real reason I haven’t been getting any story ideas I’m passionate about and which carry me past the first twenty pages.
It’s because The Apostle’s Sister is the story God wants me to write. It’s the story He’s placed on my heart. It’s the story He’s made me passionate about. And if I could only write one more novel, if I could choose only one more novel to write before I never wrote again in my life, it would be TAS.
Working on another novel while TAS remains unwritten is essentially to ignore what God wants. And if I am a disciple who writes to bring glory to Him, I’ve got to truly follow Him.
I want TAS to move readers’ hearts, more than I’ve ever wanted anything.
But before that can happen, I’ve got to write it.
So I decided this is what I want to do – and more importantly, what God wants me to do. I’m going to write TAS until it’s finished, until it can be released into the world. Because I love this story, and I so want to witness that happen! Whether it happens in two years or twenty, I want it to happen. And to make it happen, I’ve got to trust God and write it, through the joy and the fear.
It’s funny that all this time, I was on a Story Quest when the story I should be writing was sitting right in front of me!
Before I made the decision to come back to TAS, I was missing it. Missing the characters, missing the plot, missing the themes, missing the setting, missing the message. If only I had realized sooner that I miss it because this is the story holding my heart captive!
During the time of inwardly yearning for TAS, I came up with some ideas for it that excited me even more. I’m not gonna reveal too much right now, but I will tell you that a mournful and intriguing new character is introducing herself to me. #mysterious 🤐 She’s got this past and just like… dang. I think she stands a great chance of entering the world of TAS. 🤐
So… that was the post, y’all! Definitely let me know what’s going on in your own life and with your writing. How is everyone feeling about their work? Any encouragement I can offer? And if you’ve got advice for me, please don’t hesitate to share it!
Love you all, my fellow disciples who write.